Neji's Monologue and The Fiction Gaara Lives
by AnnMiuka
Summary: A songfic about Neji and Gaara, who were lovers, splitting up becuase of a political marriage between Hinata and Gaara. BONUS CHAPTER ADDED! Rated for suggestive language.
1. Neji's Monologue

**Neji's Monologue and The Fiction Gaara Lives**  
By** AnnMiuka**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto, although if I did #&#$#$#(enter explicit material here)#$$$$#$#. I don't own Gaara although if I did, I would share him with my friends, and we'd $#!$#$$(more explicit material)#!#$$!#!#. I don't own Neji, but if I did, I would hug him, cuz he looks sad sometimes. He's kinda boring though...Sorry Neji. I don't own _Autumns Monologue_ or _The Fiction We Live_, by **From Autumn to Ashes**, although if I did, I would be very proud of myself for making something so magnificently beautiful (although I bet they think it's just another song). It touched me. (Take that as you will! _dramatic flourish_)

**A/R:** (_author's rant_) I was going to make a Christmas story for this month, but I couldn't get out my ideas, so instead I did another songfic. Darnnit, the fans are going to hate me. It was SasuNaru, and it started out with them #!#$#$(explicit material, do not interpret under the age of 18)!$!$&!#$. Just kidding. I didn't actually write any of that out. But don't you just love presents, mistletoe, and suggestive wordplay? Anyway, so I wrote this because I was taking care of my sick dog (he had a seizure, now my epileptic is loopy) and I got bored sitting in the bathroom with him. I had to dash out to find lyrics, for which I should feel bad, but don't. I'm a horrible person.  
Kat:I'll feel bad for you.  
DTD:Here's a razor; get over it.

_coughs_ Anyway, so I wrote this for **The Forest Whispers**'s Neji and Gaara, because I _hate_ NejiXGaara pairings, but I fell in love with her stories and character versions of Neji and Gaara. Go emos and real world insanity mixed with Naruto characters! Anyway, I hate NejixGaa because they only meet for a day or so when Gaara #$(Shipudden spoiler warning)#$4#$ Fans will know what the bleeping is. So it's very appalling to see them together in my opinion. But enough! We need to get on with the story!

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**Chapter 1: Neji's Monologue**

Neji unlocked his apartment and picked up the mail sitting on the floor. He was a twenty-four year old private guardsman working for the hokage. That had not always been true. He had, not so long ago, been a private guard for the Sand Village kazekage. Before that he'd been working as a private guard for his cousin, Hinata, the Konoha ambassador for Suna. While on an assignment, however, he had met the red-headed kazekage. Everything had changed. When a position had presented itself, he had jumped at the chance. Oh how he wished he had stayed to be the hokage's guard as he was now.

Oh why can't I be what you need?  
A new improved version of me.  
But I'm nothing so good,  
No, i'm nothing...  
Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs  
of violence, of love, and of sorrow.

A piece of sand stricken parchment stuck out of the bunch, clearly addressed to him in Gaara of the Sand's red handwriting. He tossed it into the pile of letters from the man that sat on his table, unopened. He was in love with the pale, green-eyed younger man, and had thought that the feeling was mutual.

I beg for just one more tomorrow!  
Where you'd hold me down, fold me in  
Deep, deep, deep in the hear of your sins.

The letter had come almost half a year ago. It had been addressed to Sabaku no Gaara, Kazekage of Sunagakure. It had been a marriage proposal from Konohagakure, specifically Neji's uncle. Eleven years ago, he had made amends with the man from the Main Branch for the death of Neji's father. But then the man offered Neji's lover Neji's female cousin.

I'd break in two over you.  
I'd break in two  
and each piece of me dies,  
and only you can give the breath of life

And he had accepted.

But you don't see me. You don't.

Neji leafed through the mail once more. Once Gaara had accepted Hinata as his bride, Neji had resigned. There was little real need for him anyway. Gaara could protect himself now that there were no real threats against him. A letter in white was carelessly thrown in the pile with the rest. He didn't want to read her pleading. Throwing the rest of the mail in a basket, he went to bed.

Here I'm pinned between darkness and light,  
Bleached and blinded by these nights  
Where I'm tossing and tortured till dawn  
by you, visions of you, then you're gone.

As he lay awake, he thought about all that had happened. He had been working in his office, pushing paper. A messenger had summoned him to the kazekage's balcony. Gaara had explained everything calmly. Neji had left, pale and broken.

The shock bleeds the red from my face,  
when I hear someone's taken my place.  
How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?  
When all, all that I did was for you...

Restless, as always, it seemed, Neji went into the living room of his apartment and sat on his floor, staring at the piles of letters on his coffee table. Hinata's letters were only a small few, five of so, in comparison to Gaara's dozens. In almost six months, Neji had received nearly fifty letters from his red head. Not his red head anymore, he corrected. He decided to continue his ritualistic ordering of the letters.

I'd break in two over you  
I'd break in two  
and each piece of me dies  
and only you can give the breath of life!  
But you don't see me. You don't.

All Neji could think of as he added the two new letters to the mail was that Gaara had chosen Hinata over him. His family had done the same thing to his father, choosing one over the other. He couldn't't stand it! Everything led back to his family. He loathed it. Yet, he remained loyal Amends had been made. He cared about the cousin he used to hate, and her father. He had accepted the main branch, just as they had accepted him. Why couldn't't Gaara?

I'd break in two over you  
I'd break in two  
and each piece of me dies  
and only you can give the breath of life!  
But you don't see me. You don't.

He had gotten himself riled up again. It was all he seemed to do nowadays. He worked as a guard for the hokage now, and that kept him free to think whilst the blonde and his lover, the other private guardsman, the last Uchiha, forgot paper work in the blonde's office. It disgusted him; not the things Naruto and Sasuke were doing, but himself for wishing hypocritical thoughts. He'd done the same not so long ago. Now he loathed the idea.

I'd break in two over you  
I'd break in two over you! Over you  
I'd break in two,  
I would break in two for you.

Now you see me,  
Now you don't.  
Now you need me,  
Now you don't.

Finally, and without meaning to, Neji opened one of Gaara's letters, the only one written in green ink...

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A/N:Ooh, cliffhanger! **_Mwahahaha_**, review kindly and go to the next chapter! **_Mwahahaha_**! 


	2. The Fiction Gaara Lives

**Neji's Monologue and The Fiction Gaara Lives**  
By **AnnMiuka**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto, although if I did #&#$#$#(enter explicit material here)#$$$$#$#. I don't own Gaara although if I did, I would share him with my friends, and we'd $#!$#$$(more explicit material)#!#$$!#!#. I don't own Neji, but if I did, I would hug him, cuz he looks sad sometimes. He's kinda boring though...Sorry Neji. I don't own _Autumn's Monologue_, or _The Fiction We Live_, by **From Autumn to Ashes**, although if I did, I would be very proud of myself for making something so magnificently beautiful (although I bet they think it's just another song). It touched me. (Take that as you will!_dramatic flourish_)

**

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Chapter 2: The Fiction Gaara Lives**

_Two months before, on the balcony of the kazekage's office..._

Gaara stood, passively looking over the arid city below. Words seem to fail to describe how he felt, yet he continued to write, hoping that somehow his lavender eyed lover would respond.

You might be just what I need.  
No I would not change a thing.  
Been dreaming of this so long  
But we only exist in this song.

He looked upon himself with accusing eyes. How could he have done such a horrid thing? For the good of his country? If his heart was held elsewhere, what was so good? Neji was right to leave. Yet, he missed him like the earth misses the sun.

The thing is, I'm not worth the sorrow.  
And if you come and meet me tomorrow,  
I will hold you down, fold you in  
Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live.

Every letter he sent Neji was filled with want; greed. He wanted so bad for his lost love to return. He had only wanted the best for his people. He wanted peace between two great nations. He wanted, wanted, wanted. He never gave.

I break in two over you  
I break in two  
And if a piece of you dies,  
Autumn I will bring you back to life.

His greed was what had driven him. Now it was time to give. He went to his desk, pulled out a piece of sand colored paper, and began to write in green colored ink...

Of course I see you  
I do.

**

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A/C**:(_author's closing_) This is the final chapter. I know, cut off ending, but it is up to you , the reader, to decide whether of not Neji accepts him. I may write a bonus chapter that has the Green Ink Letter, but I don't have the mindset to do it now. "For me the grief is still too near." 

**DTD**: Thank you, Legolas.

**Matto**: You're welcome.

**DTD**: Take off the blonde wig. You look like a girl.

**Matto**: _pouts_

**Kat**: I will be writing a new story called Gaara's Letters. It will be a mix of songfic and normal, but I'm not sure what they will say, so I can't put up any spoilers. Sorry.

**Keith**: Isn't that a good thing?

**Kat**: Oh, you're right.

**The Voices and Author**: Arigato for reading! Please review kindly!


	3. Bonus Chapter: The Green Ink Letter

**The Green Ink Letter  
**A NejiGaa Bonus Chapter  
By **AnnMiuka**

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto. I do not own Gaara, although sharing is a good trait. I do not own Neji, although he's one of those "tormented so much you just wanna hug him" kinda characters. I do not own _I Wanna Hold Your Hand_ by **the Beatles**. I do own this story, and I love getting reviews.

**A/N**: Okay, so so sorry it took this long, but I only JUST found a song that worked. I was actually writing a new SasuNaru fic while listening to _Across the Universe_ songs and this one started playing. At approximately 2:20, I froze, was like, "OH MY GOSH THIS IS PERFECT" threw down the notebook and scrambled to open a Notepad to start writing. So, without further adoo, I present:

**

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The Green Ink Letter**

I've been doing so much thinking lately. Everything seems to become blurry as I sit here at my desk. I don't understand what I'm doing anymore; what I'm writing anymore. Someone is talking to me, but it doesn't seem to fit with anything. I wish you were here.

_Oh yeah, I'll tell you something,  
I think you'll understand._

I wish I could tell you that everything is fine, nothing has changed, so come back home; it was all a mistake, so please come back. But I can't. That would be a lie, and I want to be as honest with you as possible. So, let me begin at the beginning.

_When I'll say that something  
I want to hold your hand,_

Neji, when I first saw you standing behind Naruto, I think I fell in love. Something inside of me just clicked, and my world flipflopped for a minute. Then, I looked around. I guess I've been doing a lot of that. But then I didn't see you again until you were leaving. A part of me whispered something, but I shot it down. I seem to be doing a lot of that, too.

_I want to hold your hand,  
I want to hold your hand._

But then you were back again, taking a place as my personal bodyguard. The feelings came back to me in a rush and I _knew_ things would be different. _I_ would be different. So I took a chance, and you took an even bigger chance, and it worked.

_Oh please, say to me  
You'll let me be your man_

You changed me. I want you to know that right off. You changed me in ways I never even _thought_ about until you left. It hurt, you leaving. But I know it hurt you even worse. I went behind your back and accepted an engagement. Beyond that, it was to a woman. I only wish I could have taken it back. Then, I never would have hurt you.

_And please, say to me  
You'll let me hold your hand._

I miss you so much it hurts. I remember the cool windy nights we used to spend together on the roof of my office when we'd just watch the stars. I remember telling you I loved you there, and how much your love filled me when you did too. I remember so many things, but I guess I forgot the most important thing that can ever exist for anyone: Making choices that you don't agree with hurts. It doesn't just hurt you, it hurts the ones you love. And I've hurt you bad. But I don't want you to hurt anymore.

_Now let me hold your hand,  
I want to hold your hand._

I want to be with you every day and night, but I know that I can't have it that way. Please, if it hurts to see me, hurts to be near me, don't come home. My home should be wherever you are, yet I know it isn't anymore, but what about you? I wish I could talk to you; see your face; hold your hand. But I know that I can't. Even if I tried now, it would only be unfair to you. And yet, I still want to kiss your lips and touch your skin. I wish I could, but I know I can't.

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside._

Neji, I love you. I'm _in_ love with you. Grace has given me the ability to choose. Too bad I chose wrong the first time. But now, I have a second chance to make things right. With Hinata marrying my brother, I am left free to marry whomever I choose; be with whomever I choose. I want to choose you, if you'll let me.

_It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide._

There's something in the way you smile; something in the way you talk. I can't quite understand it, but I know that I miss it. Everyday, when I think of how things used to be, I remember the scent of your hair, the look in your eyes when you glance my way, the feeling my heart feels when you kiss me. It's something that I didn't understand. Until now.

_Yeah, you've got that something,  
I think you'll understand._

I want to tell you something, but I'm afraid. I'm so afraid that my sister is worried. She's watching me write from the doorway, and I know she understands. It's something about being like this that makes you realize it about others. I realized it the moment I saw those two together: a tough blonde and a lazy brunette who were crazily in love. But now, I'm so afraid of saying it: those three little words.

_When I'll say that something  
I want to hold your hand,_

I'm terrified that you'll hurt me just as I hurt you. I'm terrified that I'll have to live the rest of my life without you, and I'm terrified that I won't make it. And now I know how you felt when I said those word to you that day on that balcony overlooking a world that I thought I was helping. But instead, I was just hurting myself. And you.

_I want to hold your hand,  
I want to hold your hand._

Please hate me. I don't know why I was so cruel. Maybe I was trying to reassure myself that I was making the right choice. Maybe I was trying to hurt myself by driving you away. Maybe the Akatsuki should have fought harder to keep my dead corpse. I don't know. I just wish I knew that you are okay, wherever you are. I wish I knew that whoever was now holding you would never hurt you like I did. Like I still do.

_And when I touch you I feel happy inside._

I wish I could see your face as you are reading this, but I know that that can never happen. I pushed you so far away, and I know that you are not coming back. I want you to know that you don't have to. I want you to know that you can be happy--even if it is without me. I want you to know that...

_It's such a feeling that my love  
I can't hide, I can't hide, I can't hide._

...I love you. I love you so much that if you never want to see me again, that if you want to go on with your life and forget about me, that you can. If you decide to find someone else to give that look to, to share that feeling with that is so hard to find, then go. I want you to be happy.

_Yeh, you've got that something,  
I think you'll understand._

I'm not afraid anymore. I was so afraid before, but now, now that I know that you'll make your own decision and not do what I tell you, I'm not so afraid anymore. I know that you'll be happy because it will be your choice, and you'll choose to be happy. I know that, and I--I understand.

_When i'll feel that something  
I want to hold your hand,_

So, I hope that you choose for yourself what you want to do. I will not send anymore letters. I will not come to you begging or pleading for forgiveness. I will not try to do anything that will hurt you anymore. I just wish...No. I won't wish anymore. I want you to be happy, even if that means I will never see you again; hear your voice again. Hold your hand again.

_I want to hold your hand,  
I want to hold your hand._

Have a better life,  
Gaara

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**Final Author Note(?)**:

tears are running down my face I'm so...depressed and happy. It's confusing. I don't quite understand what I was feeling when I wrote this, but I know that it was good.

**DTD**: How would you know that?

**Kat**: Because she's her, which means she's you and she's me. Trust her, because she's gifted with something.

**Begley**: Mehbeh i's the talent foh mohbid expresshon?

**DTD**: Definitely it's that one.

**Matto**: That was so sad, yet so beautiful. claps Now, let's go write the part about Neji going back to him. smiles to readers Yep, that's our plan. Find a new song for Neji walking back to Gaara. Wish us luck.

**Keith**: Cus there gonna needit.

**DTD**: At least make an attempt to space and spell your words correctly if you're gonna write here. Stupid Keith.

**_Thanks for reading mina-san!_**


End file.
